What do you say when you wish on a star? Come on, I know that you still do it, even as an adult, maybe not nightly but once in a while when the world weighs heavy on your shoulders. So what do you need, want and desire?
My wish of late has been to do well in grad school, find a hot job and find a good man who believes me when I say I'm thinking about baseball.
It's that simple and that complicated, so I've been working on all three, studying until my brain is full, sending out resumes and just being myself around new men who catch my eye.
Of course that self is a little shy, a little brash and a bit of a know it all. Is it so much to ask that people like who I am? I'm too old to play games of pretending to be someone I'm not.
So just who is that self? I'm smart and intelligent. I love baseball, hockey and U of U sports. I'd rather read than just about anything. I love movies and music. I laugh and cry easily. I don't usually dance, but if I find someone who can lead in a formal dance I can follow. I'm more likely to have polished nails than to be wearing any other makeup. I have a good ear for accents, which I can't recreate, and music, though I sing poorly and don't play any instruments anymore. I'm a loyal friend and try to be indifferent, yet polite, toward people I don't like. The song "Lady is a Tramp" (listen to what it's saying) fits me well. Though I don't like phones, I eventually do call back when I get messages. I'm not really comfortable with this "I... I... I..." but need it here. I like coffee and tea and social beers.
It hurts when the brash comes out and I put my cards on the table and have them returned in a gentle and gentlemanly manner by someone I thought had a mutual interest. The worst thing is it's been a long time since I've been really interested in a specific man. He's sweet though and still a friend whom I chat with and get hugs from, so at least I didn't break what was already there.
I guess I'm lonely more often than usual lately. I have lots of friends who give me love and affection, but no one to curl up with when I'm tired or sore or having a bad day. I want someone to be quiet with, and even the couple of guy friends who offered me that have taken off for points north west, and that's the kind of friendship that takes years to develop, even when you feel it the moment you meet.
So back to the title of this post. I need to do well in school, want a hot job and desire someone who loves me back.
Doesn't sound so bad when I put it that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment