The things I've sworn off that have come back to haunt me since Friday:
staying up all night on work nights
musicians
28-year-old men
kissing friends
These are all things which can go horribly wrong. I hope this time they won't.
I did get to kiss him late yesterday evening after his place of employment was closed, when his boss let us have a beer and he gave me the tour. I kissed him right where he is standing at work tonight. I try to be kind, but I never claimed to be nice.
He kissed me next to the pool table in our bar, and on the veranda at the bar. We kissed on the street. He said, "You're my friend and I shouldn't be kissing you, but I can't help myself."
From the first time he walked into the bar on a night I was there I've been intrigued. I think he was 22 or 23. I didn't actually get around to talking to him for a while, but I saw him.
Then, we talked a bit, superficial bar friends who saw each other in coffee shops from time to time.
A few months ago I saw he was upset, and asked what was wrong - woman trouble.
I did take home that lesson from Parsifal, ask.
We started talking more, growing closer, laughing.
The first night we hugged it was like time stopped. No bar, no traffic, no noise -- nothing except arms and hands and his scent in my nose and our hearts beating. It was a movie moment, when the couple stand still and the film is speeded up. Except it wasn't. Just that embrace took my breath away and stopped everything that wasn't us. It was like a half step out of the world. We found an unexpected place where our stillness met up and fit.
He says he's shy with women, maybe that's why I've initiated most of the conversation - until Friday when he invited me to watch football at his house. On the day that the only sports consolations were BYU and Stanford losing. On the day that ended with us kissing for two hours.
He makes me laugh.
He cooks like it's easy, like it's magic.
We talk.
He turns me on. I do believe it's mutual.
Between Friday night and last night (Tuesday) we spent something close to 30 hours together. Except at the baseball game on Monday we partied like rock stars. We like each other sober in day light too.
Work's kicked my ass this week.
I don't care.
I feel happy.
I like this me who sings in the elevator and whistles in the hall.
He's a bad influence.
We're both incorrigible.
I'm a bad influence on him.
He wants me to meet his younger half sisters to see if I can be a good influence on them.
He likes baseball, and I can forgive an A's fan.
His college teams are the Utes and the Golden Bears. Not in that order but I can like Cal when they aren't playing Utah.
I can like the 49ers with him. You'd think I'd be a Lions or Packers fan considering my Tigers, Brewers, Red Wings thang, but I got no NFL team so go 49ers.
Hockey could be a problem.
I want more than kissing from him. I'm too old for him and I want him forever. I won't push though. Even if we never kiss again (gods forbid) I want that wild man who makes me laugh and wants me adventuring with him at least for a little while. That and I still need to kick his ass at pool.
